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notes on first rough cut

Page history last edited by Graham Wimbrow 10 years, 5 months ago

first John Shields clip:

 

voice-over? we should establish PLACE - setting for the film. The film doesn't take place in Gertruids, but as John Smith is talking we have a great opportunity to use shots of Baltimore / and/or historical footage/photographs/paintings etc. from the enocj pratt maryland room

 

transition to modern footage as the second narration segment is introduced

 

definitely use voice over for Winne as he leans forward and talks about stores and transportation.

 

Winne sounds too rapid-fire. We can space out his narratve with supporting footage

 

also he seemed kind of overwhelming. Try to edit him down to a few central points.

 

Barrage of information is difficult to take

 

clean up santoni give him a bath or something

 

blur out dietz and watson logo

 

adapt to community... cut! to harsh

 

10 FOR 10 GREEN BEANS

 

jessup segue from Santoni

 

we should use outdoor location shots of MFCA before we go inside and talk to the dude at Coosemans

 

ESTABLISH SETTINGS / LOCATION - WHERE ARE WE? HOW DID WE GET THERE? too many jump cuts damn

 

we should have shots of US doing things. If we are characters, we need to be visible

 

the coosemans guy looks like a goomba

 

we could write limricks or poems for the narration

 

WHO YOU GONNA CALL GHOSTBUSTAS

 

We began to realize where most of our food is coming from, out of state. After visiting MFCA we realized that the food system is a huge and unruly beast. Where is our local food? Do oranges really need to come from South America? ISN'T THERE A BETTER WAY? OH GOD WHY

 

what makes springfield farms different is that David Smith is a magical dwarf

 

we could use a graph to illustrate the egg nutrition study. It would be visually stunning.

 

Don't date farmers' markets s concretely

 

John Shields is like our comic relief

 

IT'S LIKE IRON CHEF

 

Kate Clancy is going to be TRIPPY AS HELL

 

come on guys loosen up

 

backdrop: new york city being eliminated

 

honestly we are art students let's do something fun with this. it's not my fault Kate Clancy was uptight.

 

segue from David Smith to Great Kids - John shields is coming in at the middle of a story and it sounds awkward

 

I think that these seven solutions don't need to be explicitely stated. We can make the segue without saying AND NOW HERE ARE SOME SOLUTIONS. SOLUTION #1 IS:

 

get rid of david smith's "so yes in that regard"

 

the ending is confused. It feels like we are framing people's statements, putting words in their mouths. Let them speak for themselves. We don't need the narrator telling us what they are saying.

 

THE FUTURE OF MEAT FARMS

 

i really like that guy in tha fish lab

 

Kate Clancy could function AS THE NARRATOR near the end here

 

David Smith repeats himself at the end

 

 

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